As a single Christian woman, I find that I never know whether I'm sending the wrong messages to guys or not. Am I looking them too deep in the eyes? Should I avert my glance? I see them averting THEIR glance...did I do something wrong? I'll admit it...I often feel rather unprotected. This may not be the right thing for a devout Christian to say, but it's true.
I'm single, and attractive and smart, and frankly, I have a responsibility.
Am I flirting? If so, am I asking for the wrong kind of attention? I really hope not. I never want to distract anyone or allure them inappropriately, or tempt someone in the wrong way. The thing is, sometimes I seem to do it without even trying. I know this because I can see guys doing all the things I wrote above. Awkward...really. I'm talking about guys at church. I'm talking about friend's I've had for a long time. I don't know why this can't happen for me with the RIGHT guy( as in, single, unmarried and just the right age); but, so it is. Shoot...If I'm gonna stay single, fine...whatever...I don't care. I'm just not good at the guy/girl thing. The only guys I'm ever drawn to are the the one's who couldn't care less, and then I wait forever, hoping that they'll realize what a wonderful thing they've lost (yeah, right). I keep wanting to up my standards, but I have no idea how. Forget it. I'm done. I've had it.
The thing is, I figure that if I could get away with living in a cave all my life, and I never had to face anyone else, then who cares if I were single. (I can live with myself, fine). I'll be there, knitting and watching The Big Bang Theory. But the thing is, who can live like that? Who's meant to live like that? None of us can get away with that, so as long as we have to face people, and deal with... stuff, I want a guy with his arm around me. Not just any one... The right one. I want kisses and hugs and cuddles. I want to remember my husband when I see yet another guy RUN in the other direction when he see's me (yes, this has happened to me). What in the WORLD did I do?? I honestly have no idea. I don't have to DO anything. Seems all I have to do is LOOK at guys wrong and they seem to freak out and the other way. Anyway, I want to remember my husband and be glad that I'm going home to him. I'm constantly wondering where this guy is, so I can't help but "look" for him (something I better quit doing because it sends out the wrong "vibe," and guys can sense this, I guess, I don't know.
Besides, I'm no good at going through all the crap: is somebody available, are they not? If they're not, why don't they tell people about their significant other right away? The comparison's to other people, the innuendo's, the implications, the supposed "power" women have over men to move them in certain directions. I used to believe I had that power (whatever the heck it is.). Now, I'm not so sure I care. I'm an attractive, single woman who's worried that she ends up leading men in the wrong direction just by being herself! Great. This makes me feel sooooooo much better than the idea of being happy with the right guy! Good grief! So, I don't dress provocatively, and many people would tell me that this is my problem. What can I say, I like my clothes to cover me properly, and my glance to be modest... but even with all of this, I can tell when a guy is struggling around me... and I hate it. Now, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my fort with my OREOS and milk!
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