How many people have you known who are tired of being asked about when they are going to get married? How many articles have you found about people who are tired of being asked about this...OR they keep wondering why it has not happened yet?
My heart always drops, when I become ready to support and empathize with this person because I think that I can relate, and I can encourage, AND THEN...
I find out, they are IN a relationship. They are not single (but technically, they are because they are not married). They are not in a NEW relationship...they've been together some time. They just have zero intention of making a life time commitment to this person...and they are tired of being asked about it.
Without apology, I would like to say to that person:
I wish I had your life...for ONE day.
But then again, maybe I DON'T.
Plain and simple: I want marriage, and I want forever. I have no interest in giving myself away to anything less. Jesus IS my soulmate...forever! So, what do you know! It's already been accomplished! Anything else in my life is a result of what my soulmate wants for my life. Now, I've had the desire to be married since I was a child. For me, my heartache has come because waiting on God consistently, and for a LONG time, is HARD. I am SINGLE...in the true sense of the word. I've had just enough "dating" experience to know that it's not for me. Relationships are hard, and I have felt the terrible pain of committing myself to someone, believing it was real, and then watching it all fall apart...while a piece of you is left with someone...who marries someone else. No thank you. Now, all experiences make us stronger (if we let them)...but I believe in my soul that the idea of trial and error is not what my SOULMATE had in mind, when it comes to people.
I have never slept with anyone, because this is a privilege that my soulmate has set aside for marriage, and I do not qualify for it (yet) :). Simple? Sure! Easy? Nope. Now...try holding to it for almost 20 years. Still with me? No relationships and no sleeping with anyone...because my SOULMATE has called me to a higher standard of purity. HE paid a high price for my heart, and I don't feel that HE desires that parts of my heart be "left" with men who have no serious intention for me. Have I been in relationships, ever? Yes. And the loss of them affected me so profoundly, that I was not the same afterwards. As I said...no thank you.
Now, I say all this, because, as you can imagine, it is difficult for me to empathize with anyone who is.. whining because they have not dated in (say) six months, or frustrated because they're not married, BUT they've been living with and sleeping with someone, OR, they have no intentions of being married because they figure...why should they? May I suggest that we do not need to take a trial and error approach when it comes to romantic love. TV shows are great, but the fact is, so many of them are offensive to my SOULMATE because they seek to numb the soul. No modesty. No blushing (because that makes us weak, right?). If you're single, you must FIND the right one, and if you are not kissing a million frogs to find your prince (or princess)... what's. WRONG with you?
My point is, that so many sources, that claim to offer relationship help, and (if you will) maintenance...often advise us to plunge into situations that deeply scar us...sometimes for life. Why do we need to DECIDE when it's time to sleep with someone? (for example). Wouldn't it be easier to just define your terms first, and spare yourself the confusion? Example: When you MARRY your spouse, because you've waited to be ready to commit to them for life, you are now qualified to sleep with them...you've earned the privilege. But it's war...everyday, isn't it? Because we live in a culture that teaches us to steal this away from people instead of earning it. Bite into as much "forbidden fruit" as you like, until you FIND what you're looking for. The thing is, no one gets through this unscathed...and sometimes, the price is too great.
What's more, we are systematically convinced that the ONLY way to know who the right person is, is to keep going through this process of trial and error. Now if a person does not know Christ, and they are leaning on their own understanding, it can be expected that this belief would govern their life; and so the culture at large, calls and beckons...and very little (if anything) is sacred. Her (and his) body, heart, and purity are put through the wringer, sometimes, again and again. When they do find the ONE, that person often gets the broken-hearted "fragments" of the person that was once whole, and hopeful. As I write this, it occurs to me how easily we are encouraged to selfishly pursue our own interests, and then people are hurt. I offer this: Take back your power and love yourself enough to protect your purity. HE who lives in you (your soulmate) will reward you for it, and so will your spouse someday.
But this takes courage, does it not? You bet! We cannot gratify ourselves and our short term desires, and...we cannot be afraid to face who WE are, because whether we are in a relationship or not, we CAN (and should) have the joy of learning to love ourselves. Sometimes, as in my case, we learn to do it again and again, consistently for years. This can be great because we get a lot of practice! So, as Valentines Day approaches, guys, pray about "pursuit," and then, go for it...desiring to GAURD the purity that so many television shows encourage you to trample on. Girls, examine yourselves in the mirror, and COVER UP whatever would tempt a man to compromise. Do the same with your speech...this separates the LADIES from the girls. Guys, hold the door open, pull her chair out, walk her to the door, and then kiss her goodnight (knowing that there will be plenty of opportunity to keep getting to know her more deeply). To both: One day, your SOULMATE will reward you for it...and so will your spouse.
