When Jane Fonda wrote her book about her life and family, and famous father, it was yet another book that I did not finish. This is not because the book is not good. I love the book...my mind, just switches between passions a lot, and I become weary of one subject, no matter how amazing, and I need to switch to another...and I often forget to return to my original interest. But, what I did read of it, I remember vividly. Jane spoke of the memory of her and her mother catching butterflies in a jar. Again, butterflies had significance in my life, as they have with dissevering Opal Whitely, and with the collection of real butterflies I found in a drawer in my great grandmother's hutch, or with the Michael Jackson song... Anyway, here was another example of these delicate winged creature. Fonda said that this was one of the only memories she had of her biological mother. I think she remembered it as being one of the only times she ever saw her mother happy.
Fonda described her mother as being distant, and not easy to talk to or figure out. She seemed to obediently try to make everything okay for her family, but was unable to really reach the happiness she tried so diligently to put together. I guess the next memory Jane has of her mother was when she learned that her parents were getting divorced (Maybe that's just the next thing I remember about the book). She said her mother came into the bedroom and lifted up her pajama top. She had just had surgery, and the muscles in her stomach had been noticeably affected.
"Your father isn't attracted to me anymore...he want's a divorce."
When she lifted her top up, an impressionable ittle girl saw why her father was rejecting her mother.
"See?, She said (her mother)... It's all gone."... Referring to the muscles no longer there and the distorted shape.
Jane said that it was then that she made up her mind, that no man would ever reject her in the way that her mother was rejected by her father. From then on, she did everything possible to obtain physical perfection... perfect body, hair, teeth. She became obsessed with body image and developed an eating disorder. Anyone who's seen her movies, has seen that beautiful physical frame and features...but who could've known the deep anguish attached to the image? Fonda also speaks about an amazing encounter she had with legendary actress Greta Garbo. Fonda was still just a young child, and her father Henry was remarried. I believe the story was, she had been at a party, at which many celebrities were in attendance (Garbo included). Jane said that she was lonely there and that no one else had really paid any attention to her, but that Greta Garbo took Jane by the hand and asked her if she'd like to go swimming with her. The house they were in was on the beach. Garbo was wearing a long robe and she walked with Jane on the beach until they came to a secluded place with a cliff overlooking the water. She says Garbo stepped out onto the cliff and removed her robe. Jane describes seeing all of this remarkable woman's features... Her waist, shoulders, hips and breasts. They were normal. They were healthy and gorgeous... not cut or deformed or sickly looking, and the little girl was able to see that here was a woman, quite comfortable in her own skin. But she also was not movie star skinny. Garbo had a noticeable belly. She dove, naked, straight into the water.
As I read this, I sat there with my mouth dropped... but not for the reasons you might think....
Okay, in one sentence:
A gorgeous woman strolled down the beach after dark, removed all her clothes in front of a child and dove into the ocean.
I really don't believe that many people would do this. Seems we're all so busy either being guarded and protected in the wrong ways, or we're exposing too much ,and in the wrong ways. Seems when our daughters need their mothers to be proud of who they are (the mothers) so that they have an empowering example of body image, mothers are telling themselves that they are fat and ugly, or "less than" because they are not skinny. Maybe they are telling their children that their father wants a divorce because he's no longer attracted to them. Flip the coin, and you have the other end of the spectrum where the movie industry is obsessed with what it sees as the perfect physical shape, and broadcasting it everywhere! I mean, here Jane was conquering an industry that would not be accepting of anything less than physical perfection. So it seems to me that she cloaked all of her starving herself and pressed on. Maybe Jane's mother did that too. I don't know that she ever starved herself, but maybe she always cloaked how she really felt and pressed on.
Maybe for Jane, seeing Greta Garbo disrobe was the first time the "cloak" came off. I don't mean this just literally. I know... all you can think about is "Why the hell would she do that?" Right? Either that, or you can't stop picturing Garbo's naked body, right? That is not the point. I do not believe that Greta Garbo did what she did that night to gain any attention or get anyone to notice her. (you have to remember, they went to a secluded spot to begin with). But neither was she worried or concerned about herself, or the child with her. At that moment, a terrified little girl just wanting to be safe, saw someone who thought nothing at all of doing something Jane had been taught to be completely ashamed of (If it wasn't perfect). Garbo worried about no such imperfections, and that night, on the beach, she was comfortable enough with herself to show it...in every way.
As to Mr. Henry Fonda, when I read his cold, lack of reasoning and lack of discussion for wanting a divorce, all I could think was: "you son of a bitch!". I remember being so flipping angry! Where does a man get off asking his wife for a divorce because part of her her body has changed? I remember thinking; " How shallow can you be, you pig! It's not as though it was her fault!". And then to not even allow her to talk about it or express her feelings! That had to tear her up like something she could not explain. (Bad pun, I know, but still...). So, all this has me wondering what really makes a woman attractive to a man...for the RIGHT reasons, I mean.. not the stupid, superficial ones... the one's that were keeping poor Jane starving herself!
What in the world seemed to keep Henry Fonda unwilling to love his wife? Why was there (apparently) no empathy there? Poor thing! What was she supposed to do? This baffles me even now. My first thought was that it was sheer selfishness... but could fear and a change in intimacy be so chronic that it causes someone to completely shut someone out? This is what I'm arras of... being shut out...in some horrible way that I don't see coming for some unexpected reason.
So maybe all the talk about butterflies at the beginning had to do with renewal and hope. When you really love someone, decide that you will keep seeing them in new ways. Take a new picture, adjust the tuning, try a new translation. (Okay, I borrowed that from Carly Simon). Anyway, just below the surface of an unsure situation, there are always little embers of change. I think the right attitude can spark fireworks... but this can't happen if we give up altogether!
No comments:
Post a Comment