I have given my creator permission to withhold marriage from me as long as He wants to. He's G-d...he does not need PERMISSION for anything, mind you; however, I gave it to Him all the same.
I still do not know how to walk through troubles gracefully...nor have I been truly willing to learn. I still want my father to clear the path, and take away every trouble possible and just let me get married already. Period. I still have this fantasy (way deep down) that if I get married, somehow this will remedy certain difficulties I may be having now. This is not true at all. But for years, I never really believed this. I would say it over and over again...because I knew those words just "fit" there oh so wonderfully...but I did not believe it...
I was contemplating a while back why I never had any kids. I told a friend last week that the one person I ever dreamed of having a family with...did not work out. After that, I never got to feeling that way about anyone else, and I panicked several times over the years, truly wondering whether something was the matter with me. Why couldn't I just get over it? Why couldn't I just get on with my life? I did not know...and even today, I still don't. But I do know this: my heart was really broken when I was very young...and my Daddy has been protecting me from further hurt. I've been fighting Him on this...all the way! That's why my singleness has been so long. It's true...I have begged, pleaded, cried, bargained, thrown my Bible across the room...watched myself become worn out, and then given in.
I've said "Okay Lord, have your way with me," while my fingers were crossed behind my back. I've lied to G-d and to everyone, saying I was fine with myself...while the "knife" went in deeper, reminding me that I missed the one I wanted originally. I would try desperately to wipe the slate clean, and move on... "That was then, this is now," I would tell myself. Nothing worked. Meanwhile, tick, tick tick went the clock. I would be still for (not even) as long as I could stand it, and then go berserk again with my Creator: "Why are you DOING this to me??". He's been keeping me from further hurt. Whether I would admit it or not. All the comparisons in the world won't help...the ones I make to others who are granted the dream I wanted while I remain alone. Yes, G-d is with me...but he knows I want someone with skin on.
So I've perfected every answer to the singleness argument, carefully combating anything anyone would say to me to get me to be happy with my current state...feeling the rush of excitement again, that something may be different tomorrow...finding myself alone, and screaming at my Creator again: "Why are you doing this to ME??". No, my heart was broken and I was terribly hurt...though the person was long gone from my life. Never did I want to admit that I was still drowning in something the world said I should've been long over. So I would get up...sadness gushing out, and try to paper mâché a happiness I knew would not last...but I would kid myself. And tick, tick, tick went the clock.
I've become a BRAT with a sense of entitlement...and I've said it was all G-d's fault. He did this to me...so He'd better hurry up and fix it, right? Wrong. Time out. My heart was really broken...and he's been sparing me further hurt. The knife that was left, only made me miserable with myself...so any relationship I BEGGED Him to give me would've made no difference. Meanwhile, tick, tick, tick goes the clock...and any little thing that happens to me...I only want Him to remove: "Take it away, Zi've been through enough." I thought I knew that He never said he'd spare me from trouble...but I have not behaved like it. God in his great mercy has spared me so much, and I've not appreciated it or cared. This is what happens when I try to be tough.
Talk to a person all you want about "surrender," but until they're ready, this does not work. So, my Creator, has let me inch my up, and inch my way up, and fall...and see Him holding out his hand to me...even when I was raging mad: "Get up, little butterfly, you can do it.". Somewhere the light began to break through, and something inside began to turn... What was I waiting for anyway? That day when I would enter into wedded bliss and all would be fixed? Yes...I was! But how stupid is this?...and I KNEW better, so I thought. So this truth stayed locked up inside. No one must ever know that I was that naive!
My Creator has been giving me nothing but Himself...uninterrupted. I have been throwing this away with both hands and demanding that He do what I want. Smart? Not at all. Marriage is a mystery and it is HARD...and to think that it will fix me, make me normal, or take away my problems is insane. I will always be a single person who must stare herself in the face, whether I am married or not. We cannot escape ourselves. But, married or not...trouble in the life of a Believer should never be an afterthought! I need to familiarize myself with it, and anticipate that it WILL come...everyday...I will be moving from storm to storm. All this time, I've been expecting that I would not, or should not...because I wanted the path clear...For marriage! Time out.
No "step by step" for me...I decided I'd been through enough and wanted it all wiped out! What in the WORLD do I think this is??...My sense of entitlement has been choking me. All this, and my Father has loved me all the same. I should never think of marriage as, "Oh, if only...". This will never work. Until I can go through hardships willingly I have no business begging G-d to plunge me into them head first! No. Grown up, this is certainly not. What right do I have to demand my own way? Besides, I'm getting to like myself! G-d, take your time, I'll wait.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Guys...Don't. Just Don't.
Guys, don't make fun of a woman's body. Just don't do it. To me, this is one of those, if -you-don't-know-I'm not-going-to-tell-you kinda things. It hurts...it's not funny...and it's NOT appropriate. Period. I don't care how you were raised...maybe this was the norm for you, to hear your dad (or your mother's husband) call her fat, tell her to tone her body, scrutinize every part of her body with degrading details, say she's a fat pig, constantly tell her she needs to diet, and the like. Ladies...don't ever accept this kind of abuse from a man, and don't EVER do this to yourself either! (Please.)
We live in a culture of idols and the fact is that many women are systematically sacrificing themselves on the alter of perfection. Take a hike Barbie! I've heard it said that it HAS to be true that men designed the Barbie doll because it's been proven that THOSE measurements are impossible on a real woman. I wish that every idiot who ever rejected a woman or made her feel less than for lack of a so-called "perfect body" could spend some time interacting with women who are being treated for eating disorders. I wish they could see women hospitalized because they are starving themselves...ripping out their IV's because they think the nourishment is going to make them fat! They are often "walking skeletons" who still believe they are overweight! They kneel at the alter of the toilet, literally purging themselves of anything that would keep them alive...
It probably started when she was a happy, bubbly little girl, just wanting an ice cream cone. She probably had not lost her baby-fat, and some embittered adult decided to remind her of that. Guys, I wish each of you could crawl inside the soul of a woman, or young child, who's had their spirit crushed by some immature idiot's horrible remarks. Couple this with the fact that many times, this man is her father! Women want to please their daddy's like they need air to breathe. This habitual crushing of their souls can make women believe the lie that it is okay to accept this kind of behavior from men because they begin to abuse themselves...using food and the scale a degrading punishment. Guys...don't contribute to this!
I was reading some comments last night in response to a blog post. A couple women were sharing stories about being with men who scrutinized their bodies and told them they were fat. Needless to say, these relationships did not last. (Good). Ladies and gentleman, it is all around us... we live in a world that HATES anything that makes a woman virtuous, and many of our men are being raised to light the fire that flares a woman's temper... when he has no right to verbally abuse her, grab her, pinch her, tickle her, call her names, and anything else that degrades her body, or her physical appearance. Then, he just giggles and laughs. He tells her her she needs to get over herself. He says things like "I'm just messin" with ya.". Yeah, well, the only thing I want to see right now is the back of your head getting smaller and smaller.
Ladies, did you know that clothing manufacturers are MAKING clothes smaller and smaller, in part so that women believe that they are gaining weight? Why would they do this? According to author Kevin Trudeau, it is because of the huge market out there for weight-loss products. Just watch the commercials on TV. Sex sells...EVERYTHING...even things you'd never think sex would, or could sell, would you agree? Oh, and images. Images, images, images everywhere!! To any man out there who is sincerely working to be faithful to his wife or girlfriend... (I'm sorry, I don't know how to finish that thought.)
I will say this...I really think the whole thing is a set-up. Men are not raised to behave like adults...and they are encouraged, around every corner, to objectify women. Women, either then hate men, lash out out them, and the women's lib movement gets about a thousand points OR women lay down like doormats, take the abuse, resent men, and then they become like the men who are abusing them, because they are building lives with that kind of toxic thinking, and they figure, two can play this game. So, they belittle, they abuse (back), they tease they insult...they create all the ammo. they need in order to "treat" him like the (pig) that he has proven himself to be. And the destructive cycle goes an on. STOP! Both of you, stop!
As I said, we live in a culture that despises anything that makes women virtuous, mature, brave adults who truly care about other's well being. Let's see...this would be things such as becoming a woman, childbirth, marriage, monogamy, faithfulness, breastfeeding, c-section scars, weight-gain, her monthly cycle that prepares her body to HAVE babies, sex with ONE person and purity and looking at the character, heart and motivation of a person. Guys, if you think that's uncomfortable to read, imagine what it's like to go through all of that, with no support from a significant other because she's gained some weight, and he doesn't find her as attractive anymore! So, if I understand this correctly...even with all she's already going through...he now feels DISRESPECTED because she's let herself go?? And on top of that, she's abused and verbally "stomped" all over like the gum under somebody's shoe! AND, as if this were not enough, often this woman is BLAMED for the abuse!! It's her fault because she knew he was like this when she...met him, married him (whatever). Guys, grow up. Ladies, if he DOES love and respect you like he's supposed to, he'll help you be anything you want, and love you in the process. Take care of him as best you can, cheer him on, support him in his endeavors, but make sure that YOU don't get the short end of the stick in the process! (please).
We live in a culture of idols and the fact is that many women are systematically sacrificing themselves on the alter of perfection. Take a hike Barbie! I've heard it said that it HAS to be true that men designed the Barbie doll because it's been proven that THOSE measurements are impossible on a real woman. I wish that every idiot who ever rejected a woman or made her feel less than for lack of a so-called "perfect body" could spend some time interacting with women who are being treated for eating disorders. I wish they could see women hospitalized because they are starving themselves...ripping out their IV's because they think the nourishment is going to make them fat! They are often "walking skeletons" who still believe they are overweight! They kneel at the alter of the toilet, literally purging themselves of anything that would keep them alive...
It probably started when she was a happy, bubbly little girl, just wanting an ice cream cone. She probably had not lost her baby-fat, and some embittered adult decided to remind her of that. Guys, I wish each of you could crawl inside the soul of a woman, or young child, who's had their spirit crushed by some immature idiot's horrible remarks. Couple this with the fact that many times, this man is her father! Women want to please their daddy's like they need air to breathe. This habitual crushing of their souls can make women believe the lie that it is okay to accept this kind of behavior from men because they begin to abuse themselves...using food and the scale a degrading punishment. Guys...don't contribute to this!
I was reading some comments last night in response to a blog post. A couple women were sharing stories about being with men who scrutinized their bodies and told them they were fat. Needless to say, these relationships did not last. (Good). Ladies and gentleman, it is all around us... we live in a world that HATES anything that makes a woman virtuous, and many of our men are being raised to light the fire that flares a woman's temper... when he has no right to verbally abuse her, grab her, pinch her, tickle her, call her names, and anything else that degrades her body, or her physical appearance. Then, he just giggles and laughs. He tells her her she needs to get over herself. He says things like "I'm just messin" with ya.". Yeah, well, the only thing I want to see right now is the back of your head getting smaller and smaller.
Ladies, did you know that clothing manufacturers are MAKING clothes smaller and smaller, in part so that women believe that they are gaining weight? Why would they do this? According to author Kevin Trudeau, it is because of the huge market out there for weight-loss products. Just watch the commercials on TV. Sex sells...EVERYTHING...even things you'd never think sex would, or could sell, would you agree? Oh, and images. Images, images, images everywhere!! To any man out there who is sincerely working to be faithful to his wife or girlfriend... (I'm sorry, I don't know how to finish that thought.)
I will say this...I really think the whole thing is a set-up. Men are not raised to behave like adults...and they are encouraged, around every corner, to objectify women. Women, either then hate men, lash out out them, and the women's lib movement gets about a thousand points OR women lay down like doormats, take the abuse, resent men, and then they become like the men who are abusing them, because they are building lives with that kind of toxic thinking, and they figure, two can play this game. So, they belittle, they abuse (back), they tease they insult...they create all the ammo. they need in order to "treat" him like the (pig) that he has proven himself to be. And the destructive cycle goes an on. STOP! Both of you, stop!
As I said, we live in a culture that despises anything that makes women virtuous, mature, brave adults who truly care about other's well being. Let's see...this would be things such as becoming a woman, childbirth, marriage, monogamy, faithfulness, breastfeeding, c-section scars, weight-gain, her monthly cycle that prepares her body to HAVE babies, sex with ONE person and purity and looking at the character, heart and motivation of a person. Guys, if you think that's uncomfortable to read, imagine what it's like to go through all of that, with no support from a significant other because she's gained some weight, and he doesn't find her as attractive anymore! So, if I understand this correctly...even with all she's already going through...he now feels DISRESPECTED because she's let herself go?? And on top of that, she's abused and verbally "stomped" all over like the gum under somebody's shoe! AND, as if this were not enough, often this woman is BLAMED for the abuse!! It's her fault because she knew he was like this when she...met him, married him (whatever). Guys, grow up. Ladies, if he DOES love and respect you like he's supposed to, he'll help you be anything you want, and love you in the process. Take care of him as best you can, cheer him on, support him in his endeavors, but make sure that YOU don't get the short end of the stick in the process! (please).
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Another Year Over...A New One Just Begun
"So this is Christmas...and what have you done? Another year over...a new one just begun."
Okay, obviously, it's not Christmas anymore...but on this New Year's Eve of 2015, I, like many, am pondering what I have done with the last year just flown by. Wow. My friends might tell you that all you need to do is look at my FB page! For that matter, sometimes it's what you stop doing, or give up that creates defining moments in your life. But let's see...
God absolutely has me on a journey...and it seemed to be more defined for me this year than ever before. I returned to FB...after having left it for between six and eight months. I'd come to the conclusion that this absolutely had turned into an idol in my life, and I decided to prove to myself that I could live without it ( for awhile), so I did. I'm happy to say, that even someone who gets bored easily like I do CAN live without FB...and it's actually quite refreshing. But I also realized that I missed being connected with those that I see rarely, or (let's just be honest), not at all. It's wonderful being able to talk with someone who could be many miles away, but you can still feel close to them. So, I returned, and my efforts to stay away from it are becoming less & less...because I enjoy it so much. :). But I would say, just have checks and balances...remember you have a life& keep on living it, so FB does not become your life.
Ironically, last Christmas I left the church I had attended since I was a teenager, at which time I really struggled internally about where to go next. The wonderful thing is...God worked it out, exactly the way I was hoping and better. This process actually took several months, and the prayer was pretty intense and rewarding. Through this process I have re-kindled a couple friendships, which is wonderful...and am making many others. I've begun learning Hebrew...which was literally an unexpected gift G-d dropped in my lap. After I began attending my new church, I was made aware that the class was starting & G-d provided the funds for the materials. I started a blog called "What is This Crazy Faith?" that talks all about what I've been learning on my journey through Messianic Roots. I've had to really learn to be as precise, but as gentle as I can, in discussing these subjects. Sometimes I succeed at this...sometimes I blow it...but I try to be as honest as I can. I found an online radio station called Messianic Lamb Radio that has (every day) a morning prayer show & a chat room discussion. It's here that I began learning the Shema, and the Aaronic Blessing (In Hebrew). I've actually been saying the Aaronic Blessing in English for ages...but never knew that that's what it was! Anyway, this has been such a blessing to me, because it let's me know that I'm not walking this (new) road alone. There are many folks out there walking the same road and asking the same questions.
It was through this radio show that I began really learning about the Jewish calendar a festivals (feast days). I looked all of them up online, made a list...and tacked it on my wall. I decided to take baby steps. My mother gave me a set of flameless candles last year for Christmas, and I have turned these into my Shabbat candles. Without being concerned about any "protocol" someone might say I'm breaking...these are very wonderful and safe, because I can keep them "on" for as long as I like, and there is no fire hazard. No flames, no melting wax...and all I need to do is buy the batteries when I do my grocery shopping. I found a nice Messianic prayer shawl with blue & white tzi tzi's on the corners. I found the scriptures in the Torah that explain the significance of the blue & white, and wrote down the scriptures I saw on the prayer shawl, stuck them in an envelope, and took this as evidence that I am NOT who I was...as the song goes.
I found (to my surprise) that there is a Messianic Bible College in Israel. They have a wonderful ministry called "One For Israel" that is committed to getting the gospel of (Yeshua) Jesus to as many as possible (but particularly to the people of Israel). They also have a Messianic radio station, run on the college campus that plays an amazing variety of Messianic music. So, needless to say, this is also an interest. I lost interest in the show "Duck Dynasty" and still love "Big Bang Theory" as always. I don't watch it every week, but being that it's in OnDemand, there's no problem there! I've discovered a blog called Kveller.com, which talks about Jewish life and Jewish culture, but I was mainly interested because I found out that Mayim Bialik writes articles for them. She's amazing! Her name means "water" and she has a relative (a cousin, I believe) who was...a poet! His name was Chaim Bialik, and he was at one time, Israel's equivalent of a Poet Laureate. I didn't even know Israel HAD a poet Laureate, or anything like it.
I discovered that I love the Lemon Bar Frappe at Starbucks, and am still, as always, a Taco Bell addict. (Hey, everybody has vices, right?). I tried the online dating thing again, and actually found a dating site that is for those with AS. I created a profile, which, through technical difficulties, did not have picture on it. But I got several responses & began conversing with a really cute guy...who was not a Christian, which at the time, I still considered myself to be. Anyway, really strong faith causes you to know where your "Deal breakers" are. I gave him a chance, but knew when he got mad at me the first time I asked him if there was anything I could pray for him about...that it was no good. I know what happened: He internalized the question, and thought that I was trying to tell him he was not good enough the way he was. Gee, and I thought I was being so respectful too. But, like I said...strong faith let's you know where your deal breakers are. I tried the Christian Mingle thing too, but quit right away...because, I know that whomever G-d has for me...I'm not going to meet him that way. Never mind. :))
I made my first Rosh Hashanah apple cupcakes with homemade icing, and also made homemade Christmas cookies. I ordered a DVD I found online called "Betrothed" that actually documents a few couples, in the states that went through a traditional betrothal process. Was very intrigued by this, and loved it! I decided to stop drinking Pepsi completely when I saw a YouTube video that shows what happens when it's boiled...oh Lord! That stuff looked like fresh tar you would pave a street with. Anyway, I succeeded at this for about 4 months, I would guess. I did begin drinking it again sometime in the summer, but the miracle is that I went without it that long in the first place! For a Pepsi addict like me...this is a miracle. I visited a wonderful bakery owned by AMAZING friends and LOVED the food as always, and posted way too many of my favorite songs onto FB! I rejoiced with many over a marriage, or the arrival of a child, and prayed with may precious people. I would say that this, my friends, has been my year in review. Add to this, a lot of snuggling with my kitty watching my favorite movies, getting a book of Chaim Bialik's poetry for my birthday, and really developing a love for hummus. I got "The Silver Linings Playbook" for Christmas this year, and also the original "Secret Life of Walter Mitty" with Danny Kaye. Also made major progress getting rid of a lot of things I don't need, and again got to rejoice in the fact that I have no debt(!!!). I am very very blessed indeed! My wish and hope is that all of you have also had an amazing year. Take care...love those close to you a lot...and tell them you love them as often as you can. With that, I wish you all a wonderful and healthy 2016!!!
Okay, obviously, it's not Christmas anymore...but on this New Year's Eve of 2015, I, like many, am pondering what I have done with the last year just flown by. Wow. My friends might tell you that all you need to do is look at my FB page! For that matter, sometimes it's what you stop doing, or give up that creates defining moments in your life. But let's see...
God absolutely has me on a journey...and it seemed to be more defined for me this year than ever before. I returned to FB...after having left it for between six and eight months. I'd come to the conclusion that this absolutely had turned into an idol in my life, and I decided to prove to myself that I could live without it ( for awhile), so I did. I'm happy to say, that even someone who gets bored easily like I do CAN live without FB...and it's actually quite refreshing. But I also realized that I missed being connected with those that I see rarely, or (let's just be honest), not at all. It's wonderful being able to talk with someone who could be many miles away, but you can still feel close to them. So, I returned, and my efforts to stay away from it are becoming less & less...because I enjoy it so much. :). But I would say, just have checks and balances...remember you have a life& keep on living it, so FB does not become your life.
Ironically, last Christmas I left the church I had attended since I was a teenager, at which time I really struggled internally about where to go next. The wonderful thing is...God worked it out, exactly the way I was hoping and better. This process actually took several months, and the prayer was pretty intense and rewarding. Through this process I have re-kindled a couple friendships, which is wonderful...and am making many others. I've begun learning Hebrew...which was literally an unexpected gift G-d dropped in my lap. After I began attending my new church, I was made aware that the class was starting & G-d provided the funds for the materials. I started a blog called "What is This Crazy Faith?" that talks all about what I've been learning on my journey through Messianic Roots. I've had to really learn to be as precise, but as gentle as I can, in discussing these subjects. Sometimes I succeed at this...sometimes I blow it...but I try to be as honest as I can. I found an online radio station called Messianic Lamb Radio that has (every day) a morning prayer show & a chat room discussion. It's here that I began learning the Shema, and the Aaronic Blessing (In Hebrew). I've actually been saying the Aaronic Blessing in English for ages...but never knew that that's what it was! Anyway, this has been such a blessing to me, because it let's me know that I'm not walking this (new) road alone. There are many folks out there walking the same road and asking the same questions.
It was through this radio show that I began really learning about the Jewish calendar a festivals (feast days). I looked all of them up online, made a list...and tacked it on my wall. I decided to take baby steps. My mother gave me a set of flameless candles last year for Christmas, and I have turned these into my Shabbat candles. Without being concerned about any "protocol" someone might say I'm breaking...these are very wonderful and safe, because I can keep them "on" for as long as I like, and there is no fire hazard. No flames, no melting wax...and all I need to do is buy the batteries when I do my grocery shopping. I found a nice Messianic prayer shawl with blue & white tzi tzi's on the corners. I found the scriptures in the Torah that explain the significance of the blue & white, and wrote down the scriptures I saw on the prayer shawl, stuck them in an envelope, and took this as evidence that I am NOT who I was...as the song goes.
I found (to my surprise) that there is a Messianic Bible College in Israel. They have a wonderful ministry called "One For Israel" that is committed to getting the gospel of (Yeshua) Jesus to as many as possible (but particularly to the people of Israel). They also have a Messianic radio station, run on the college campus that plays an amazing variety of Messianic music. So, needless to say, this is also an interest. I lost interest in the show "Duck Dynasty" and still love "Big Bang Theory" as always. I don't watch it every week, but being that it's in OnDemand, there's no problem there! I've discovered a blog called Kveller.com, which talks about Jewish life and Jewish culture, but I was mainly interested because I found out that Mayim Bialik writes articles for them. She's amazing! Her name means "water" and she has a relative (a cousin, I believe) who was...a poet! His name was Chaim Bialik, and he was at one time, Israel's equivalent of a Poet Laureate. I didn't even know Israel HAD a poet Laureate, or anything like it.
I discovered that I love the Lemon Bar Frappe at Starbucks, and am still, as always, a Taco Bell addict. (Hey, everybody has vices, right?). I tried the online dating thing again, and actually found a dating site that is for those with AS. I created a profile, which, through technical difficulties, did not have picture on it. But I got several responses & began conversing with a really cute guy...who was not a Christian, which at the time, I still considered myself to be. Anyway, really strong faith causes you to know where your "Deal breakers" are. I gave him a chance, but knew when he got mad at me the first time I asked him if there was anything I could pray for him about...that it was no good. I know what happened: He internalized the question, and thought that I was trying to tell him he was not good enough the way he was. Gee, and I thought I was being so respectful too. But, like I said...strong faith let's you know where your deal breakers are. I tried the Christian Mingle thing too, but quit right away...because, I know that whomever G-d has for me...I'm not going to meet him that way. Never mind. :))
I made my first Rosh Hashanah apple cupcakes with homemade icing, and also made homemade Christmas cookies. I ordered a DVD I found online called "Betrothed" that actually documents a few couples, in the states that went through a traditional betrothal process. Was very intrigued by this, and loved it! I decided to stop drinking Pepsi completely when I saw a YouTube video that shows what happens when it's boiled...oh Lord! That stuff looked like fresh tar you would pave a street with. Anyway, I succeeded at this for about 4 months, I would guess. I did begin drinking it again sometime in the summer, but the miracle is that I went without it that long in the first place! For a Pepsi addict like me...this is a miracle. I visited a wonderful bakery owned by AMAZING friends and LOVED the food as always, and posted way too many of my favorite songs onto FB! I rejoiced with many over a marriage, or the arrival of a child, and prayed with may precious people. I would say that this, my friends, has been my year in review. Add to this, a lot of snuggling with my kitty watching my favorite movies, getting a book of Chaim Bialik's poetry for my birthday, and really developing a love for hummus. I got "The Silver Linings Playbook" for Christmas this year, and also the original "Secret Life of Walter Mitty" with Danny Kaye. Also made major progress getting rid of a lot of things I don't need, and again got to rejoice in the fact that I have no debt(!!!). I am very very blessed indeed! My wish and hope is that all of you have also had an amazing year. Take care...love those close to you a lot...and tell them you love them as often as you can. With that, I wish you all a wonderful and healthy 2016!!!
Monday, June 22, 2015
Just Be...
Actor Jimmy Stewart once said that a woman does not have to DO anything to attract a man...all she has to do is be. I know not, exactly what it is that makes a particular woman attractive to a particular guy...I just know that it has not happened in my case yet. That is, no man has stepped up and said that they are willing to do whatever is necessary to be my "other half" as they say. Christian author James Dobson has said many times that a man needs to feel as though he has "won" the woman in his life, as though he has "conquered" and found a good thing. Apparently, if this "conquering" does not take place, then he does not respect her...
As a result of this "truth," I have become petrified of any sort of feeling of attraction I've developed for any guy. I don't know what to do with it. I've always been afraid that if he even saw that I was attracted to him, he would not respect me because he'd think I was chasing him and he'd pull away. Guys don't like that, from what I understand. At church where I've attended, I've heard before that this need to lead (by women) is actually part of the curse of creation (even). There's a "pull" inside women that makes us want to lead, but we need to back off and allow "him" to do this.
But I've also been told again and again how scared guys are...how petrified they are to even approach a woman. I've heard stories before about women "letting" guys catch them. I THINK, this means, she had the intuition to lead HIM where she wanted him and then let him have all the credit. The thing is...I say unashamedly that I do not know how to do this. This is too hard for me to figure out, and if needing to "figure this out" means there's something wrong with me as a woman...what do I do a out it? My philosophy has always been: "Just be yourself.". I believe in this with everything I've got...so why does it not work for me when it comes to men? I've heard it said that a man can't fall in love with another man dressed like a woman. Translation: If I'm behaving in a masculine way on the inside, a man can only "pull away" from this. If I "chase" him, he's going to run...and the better man he is, the faster he's going to run. This is according to a woman named Rori Raye...and the fact that people pay her big bucks to order these CD programs of hers that deal with "finding the love you want" ought to give me clue, I suppose.
Anyway, it is my experience that we live in a culture of fear. We're afraid of ourselves, afraid of each other, afraid of success, afraid of failure, afraid of marriage, afraid of divorce, afraid of relationships. That being said, I absolutely hate the fact that I have been "afraid" that a guy is just going to "pull away" from me if I even give him an inkling that I like him. As a follower of Yeshua, I've believed since I was teenager that God will lead me to the right guy, and the right guy to me, and God will give him what he needs to lead me. Pretty simple right? Hasn't happened yet...and the longer I have to wait the more I seriously wonder if I'm doing something wrong. How can this be, when all I have to do is BE? I try to be confident, even in my weaknesses, because I know that everybody has them. I think this is a good thing...but trying to be AWARE that I may be sending out the wrong "vibe" is too much stress for me. It just is...and this puts me on my guard rather than helping me to relax.
In truth, one of the heartbreaks of my life is that I keep being discouraged from getting married. There was a time in history when women looked FORWARD to getting married and they not only allowed their husband's to take care of them...they expected it. Oddly enough, James Dobson has also said that a man actually feels disrespected when he is not allowed to provide for his wife. Really? Tell that to all the single mothers I know! I also don't understand why women are not really allowed to view their husband's providing for them as a source of security. Isn't this the way things are supposed to be? Listen I understand, sometimes things happen to husbands and they are not always there...but I've seen too many marriages break up because the couple was in competition with each other. Somehow the guy no longer knew where he fit into her life, and the two drifted so far apart that the marriage did not make it. I believe that God DID provide husbands to take CARE of their wives...but never do I hear this taught (either inside the church, or out). She's supposed to LEAN on him and she's supposed to TRUST him. I believe this gives our men a sense of empowerment (provided he's a decent guy who has her best interests at heart to begin with).
But instead of being ENCOURAGED that it is okay to hope for a man who will take care of me that I can lean on and trust, my struggles are thus: Outside the church, the "single" life is the chance for someone to date/sleep with as many people as they want...and if they are not "putting themselves out there" or shacking up with somebody...what the heck is their problem?? Listen, as someone who has saved herself for her life partner, this is NOT something that impresses me in the least! I say all this, because for me to think that I will never be "affected" by such a lifestyle is simply not true. Anyone who watches any TV at all knows that this is not true! Man or woman, we have it thrown in our faces every hour of every day in some capacity. Everything around us tells us to loosen our convictions, (and our belts, give into the world system, and "experiment" with different things because how will we ever know if we really have a real commitment? For someone like me, movies like "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and countless others are out there to cruelly let me know what a pathetic loser I am because my virtue is cherished and sacred, and various actors and entertainers are paid a pretty penny to make sure I feel the sting.
Inside the church, I am encouraged to trust God and let HIM lead me. Every...single...hint...of...PASSION...every feeling, every question, every uncertainty...EVERYTHING is met with exactly the same response. The single life is painted like some sort of ongoing picnic, or walk in the park, because aren't I LUCKY...because I get to give my undivided attention to God. So I sit in the pews every week burning with passion while my Christian friend's are dating, getting engaged and getting into relationships...while I'm wondering why the same thing isn't happening for me. Nobody will pray for me that I find a husband because HEAVEN FORBID they should be praying for the wrong thing. (What if God doesn't want me to be married?). The sensation of the passion yet unfulfilled makes me me feel like I may just explode, while I feel guilty because God told Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you. In my prayers I become a crying mess because I can't BELIEVE this. (What's wrong with me?). Meanwhile, a couple of my Christian friend's have just moved in together...what is that all about?
I can't be flippant about marriage and say that it does not matter to me whether I get married or not. It DOES matter to me, and if I say it does not I'm lying! I've heard many people in the church tell me that they "got to this place". where it did not matter to them if they were married or not, they just wanted to do God's will. Wonderful...splendid! But I can't lie about my feelings because I'm not giving the "faith based" socially acceptable answer. Listen, if I did not get married, I would live...for sure. But I don't think I'd be living the sort of life I was truly meant to live...period. I do not know how to let go of this as though it doesn't matter to me. However, if I do NOT let go of it, I'm not trusting God and letting him have his way with me...so I've been told.
Anyway, I think sometimes God puts us in between a rock and a hard place in order that we can trust him to get us out. If I am not happy being single, I will not be happy being married...this is true. So, for this reason, I'm glad I'm not married. As usual, there is so much more I would love to write about this, but I'm running out of energy. ...
I was praying last night, and the Lord gave me this: "It is easier to go through difficult times as a single person than it is to go through difficulties when married.".
So, if we don't learn to handle tough times as a single person with grace...we sure won't be equipped to handle them when we are married.". Amen!!! Praise Jesus...I LOVE this! This sums it all up and does not leave anything out. First, it says NOTHING about being happy whether you're married or single. What this means is, that I can let myself off the hook when (as a single person) I am not happy. This does not mean God has lost his grip on me. He's still in control...it's OKAY.
As a single person, I have really struggled with the fact that I am... not happy (for a lot of reasons). This unhappiness would not throw me out of whack so much if I did not feel guilty for going through it. I have believed for a long time that this unhappiness automatically dis-qualified me for marriage...and I've HATED it!! "What is WRONG with me?"... that kind of thing. The fact is, many single people are unhappy being single and they need to be allowed to be honest about that, without a reprimand from the church that says they shouldn't feel that way..
So, the conclusion I've come to is this: why am I unhappy in my singleness? Because GOD is making me that way intentionally. Why? Because he's preparing me for marriage! (!!!). He is making my single life difficult and painful and saying: "Take on the difficulty...tackle it...do something about it...try...fail...succeed...learn. Run to me...get on your knees, scream, cry...tell me you can't stand another minute and you're outta here...and watch while I hold you in place until you stop fighting. Dry your eyes...get up, start again, and resolve that this time will be better than the last, while your enthusiasm is restored. Let the madness start again...and watch me bring you through it. This too is. OKAY. You will go through all of this when you are married, and part of your sustaining grace will be this "record" of angry, struggling, victories I have already brought you through.
In order to be equipped to get married, God grants us the practice of walking through difficulties. Marriage is hard, right? Every person who is single is well aware that marriage is not easy. We know...we are BOMBARDED with it every day...and by the way, we are TIRED of the singleness talk. Please don't tell us that this resistance makes us ineligible for marriage either. Chances are, we already feel as though we may throw up because we have no idea how to turn this sinking feeling around. (Whatever it is).
I think the bottom line is this. The single life is portrayed as easy and uncomplicated...and filled with blessings that married people give up. The single life, is also treated by the church as "holier than thou" (yes it is) because the biggest "selling point" is the undivided devotion to the Lord that married people do not have, because they are...married. Listen, this thought process makes marriage BAD, rather than good because single people end up feeling GUILTY for wanting to get married. This "feeling" of being just a little "higher up" in Heaven because you have God all to yourself?...HOW CAN YOU GIVE THAT UP?? We make single people feel like this lack of complication (which is not true, by the way) puts us on a "pedestal" ABOVE married people, somehow. God has exalted you, the church seems to say, God has "endowed" you with blessings that are BETTER than that of a married person, because married people are just too busy. Married people have too much to do. Married people have BORING lives, besides...you can do MISSIONARY WORK and TRAVEL!!! Married people don't have time for that!
Just to be clear, not all single people can travel and do missionary work. Some of us are broke and we can't afford it. Some of us are not physically built for it, some of us have various phobias that make traveling not a good idea. For that matter some of the most rewarding missionary work is done by married couples, or families with children, right? For that matter, just because a married person's life becomes compartmentalized (to a degree), this does not mean that their devotion to the Lord is divided. Along those lines, sometimes there is such a thing as too many choices and too much freedom. Some people who are single actually find that their life lacks direction, to a degree, because they need another limit besides the sky, if you will. For some, marriage can provide a temporary destination that signifies a specific calling with eternal rewards. Sometimes the "freedom" of being single for a long period of time can actually cause a person to lack the discipline of being productive, because of too many choices and not enough limits. This may sound harsh, and maybe even un-American...but it's simply to back up my point that singleness is not just a walk in the park.
Now, marriage is not a walk in the park either, as single people are always reminded. It is HARD...to be so alone when you are so together. It is hard to "be still" when all you want to do is move to make something happen. It's hard to move, when you want to stay where you are. It's hard to sacrifice your own happiness for the benefit of someone else. However this is also very amiable and honorable and pleasing to God when it's done in the right context. It is true that every person is a single person, whether they are married or unmarried. So I say, learn to deal with the conflicts that arise within yourself, and perhaps God will see fit to "increase your territory.".
The tragedy I see, is that the church is doing little to nothing as specific preparation for this possible "increase in territory" in a person's life. Instead, we are encouraging people to focus on themselves and stay busy, embrace the single life...and if IT happens...it happens.
This is a big IT, and it is pretty difficult...and so it stands to reason that the waiting and the praying beforehand can also be difficult and painful. The problem is that both the world and the church make it seem as though no one should have a difficult or painful single life...because MARRIAGE is when things get difficult, right? The overall message seems to be just do what seems right for you. This "rule" is just divided into two extremes... the world says "Get as much sex as you can, because you're not married" and the church says "Don't have sex AT ALL because you're not married.". In any case, there is, nonetheless, a HUGE gap between marriage and singleness that many people (both young and young at heart) have no idea how to close. We need to let single people know that it's okay to grieve for something that has not yet happened. It's OKAY to miss your spouse and it's OKAY to want them in your life. It's okay to cry over them. It's okay to write letters and count the days until you meet them. It's okay to write your spouse letters and keep these in a locked box (If that's what you wanna do).
But I know that I personally have never been encouraged to do any of these things. Apparently there are elements to my personality that make marriage a bigger risk (haha) :). For some, this is true. And if a person wants to stay single, by all means, do so. This long blog entry is not to attack singleness...for some this is the best thing, and there absolutely are blessings to be had with it! I know I, like many people, come from a family of divorce, and absent fathers. Many times, the prevention of such scenarios can seem absolutely necessary, because staying out of a marriage altogether involves a lot less agony than marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
But specifically, I wanted to address those single adults who have experienced a singleness that has been a lot longer, and a lot more painful than they ever expected. This is for those single adults who just want to cry, because they are grieving what seems like a "loss" that never goes away. If you long to be married and you are teased about being a glutton for punishment. If you have been told that you should not need to get married because God is your everything, and you BELIEVE this, but you've spent years wondering what the heck IS missing. Let me just say this: It's possible that your single life is difficult and painful because God is equipping you for marriage later. To be equipped is more than being prepared for something. Being equipped means knowing that God has given you the tools you need to walk through what you are unprepared for. So, then, if singleness were...at the very least predictable...as we are led to believe...what sort of preparation for marriage would this be?? Realizing this through prayer has been very liberating for me, because I KNOW that God is HEARING my heart...he's not ignoring it. It's tangible...it's real. This is not just some Christian "mantra" I've been silently repeating all these years, but I've forgotten why. This is for the person who has always known that for them, singleness is not a permanent thing...but the years keep passing them by.
Married people must perfect the art of being still...sometimes even more than single people because there is not as much room to move when there's two people. In other words, marriage has restrictions which give the ability to be free. And since marriage is forever, perhaps for some, their season of singleness should not be brief. Perhaps for someone to be able to be long-suffering through marriage, they must learn to be so in singleness. If you would like to dig your heels in and determine that you WILL get married...go ahead. I give you permission to do so without fear. I find that sometimes, being "open to anything" is not always the best thing either. In my case this means ignoring what God is moving me towards...why would I want to do that? Now, use your singleness to "move" towards marriage. Go ahead, cross off the days and pray for your spouse every night. Read "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy, and pray that your spouse (whatever they are) is not sharing themselves with someone else, because they are supposed to be with you. Go ahead... Play "God Bless this Broken Road that Led me Straight to You" and know that someday you will have your own answer. Believe God for this. Don't worry about needing to do "double duty" and be extra strong because "what if" God wants you to be single anyway? No. This is insanity and torture (and oddly enough, the church encourages it). Search your own heart, and ask God what the truth is. When he tells you...go that way, and hold onto it. You need not flounder back and forth wondering whether a LONG wait means that you are ACTUALLY supposed to stay single. Keep walking...keep walking...and when you are angry with God because you can't take anymore, drop to your knees and tell him. If you need to yell at him, try to find a private place and do it. He can take it. He already knows exactly how you feel, and besides, when you are married, there will be plenty more reasons in your life that you feel like coming unglued, screaming and crying out to God for help...so you (and I) may as well get used to doing this when we're single so we can absorb some of the shock.
Let your singleness equip you to someday be married. Let it move you towards where you want to go. Take ahold of the power God wants to give you in order to do his will, and then do what Joni Ereckson Tada says: "Don't waste your suffering.". On that note, you do not have to panic if you are really suffering and really hurting as a single person...so you will also do in marriage, so go ahead and use this time for practice. The Enemy will lie to you. He will tell you that the reason you are having to wait so long is because you really are not getting married at all. Then he will make you believe that God has stopped listening to you and no longer cares about your never-ending suffering...at least, this is what he does to me. Don't let him! Just remember, the Enemy is the father of lies...and sometimes the closer you are to God's will, the more the Enemy picks on you. Again, use all of this as practice for when you ARE married. This empowers you. This makes you an honest person because you are refusing to take no for an answer under God's authority. I encourage you, do NOT be NEUTRAL about this. If you know you are supposed to be married, hold on to that, no matter WHAT! Do what you have to do every second to breath life into your dream, as God directs you...knowing that you are on a mission...you are on a mission field...marriage is your destiny (so to speak)whether your spouse is in your life yet or not. Go GET IT!!! Don't take no for an answer and don't water down your own convictions and call it contentedness because this is what's socially acceptable at church.
If your singleness has been unbelievably long, try and look at it as being unbelievably blessed. God is preparing you...he's NOT ignoring you. I encourage you to read Galatians 6:9 and remember that. When you ARE married, you will be especially equipped!
As a result of this "truth," I have become petrified of any sort of feeling of attraction I've developed for any guy. I don't know what to do with it. I've always been afraid that if he even saw that I was attracted to him, he would not respect me because he'd think I was chasing him and he'd pull away. Guys don't like that, from what I understand. At church where I've attended, I've heard before that this need to lead (by women) is actually part of the curse of creation (even). There's a "pull" inside women that makes us want to lead, but we need to back off and allow "him" to do this.
But I've also been told again and again how scared guys are...how petrified they are to even approach a woman. I've heard stories before about women "letting" guys catch them. I THINK, this means, she had the intuition to lead HIM where she wanted him and then let him have all the credit. The thing is...I say unashamedly that I do not know how to do this. This is too hard for me to figure out, and if needing to "figure this out" means there's something wrong with me as a woman...what do I do a out it? My philosophy has always been: "Just be yourself.". I believe in this with everything I've got...so why does it not work for me when it comes to men? I've heard it said that a man can't fall in love with another man dressed like a woman. Translation: If I'm behaving in a masculine way on the inside, a man can only "pull away" from this. If I "chase" him, he's going to run...and the better man he is, the faster he's going to run. This is according to a woman named Rori Raye...and the fact that people pay her big bucks to order these CD programs of hers that deal with "finding the love you want" ought to give me clue, I suppose.
Anyway, it is my experience that we live in a culture of fear. We're afraid of ourselves, afraid of each other, afraid of success, afraid of failure, afraid of marriage, afraid of divorce, afraid of relationships. That being said, I absolutely hate the fact that I have been "afraid" that a guy is just going to "pull away" from me if I even give him an inkling that I like him. As a follower of Yeshua, I've believed since I was teenager that God will lead me to the right guy, and the right guy to me, and God will give him what he needs to lead me. Pretty simple right? Hasn't happened yet...and the longer I have to wait the more I seriously wonder if I'm doing something wrong. How can this be, when all I have to do is BE? I try to be confident, even in my weaknesses, because I know that everybody has them. I think this is a good thing...but trying to be AWARE that I may be sending out the wrong "vibe" is too much stress for me. It just is...and this puts me on my guard rather than helping me to relax.
In truth, one of the heartbreaks of my life is that I keep being discouraged from getting married. There was a time in history when women looked FORWARD to getting married and they not only allowed their husband's to take care of them...they expected it. Oddly enough, James Dobson has also said that a man actually feels disrespected when he is not allowed to provide for his wife. Really? Tell that to all the single mothers I know! I also don't understand why women are not really allowed to view their husband's providing for them as a source of security. Isn't this the way things are supposed to be? Listen I understand, sometimes things happen to husbands and they are not always there...but I've seen too many marriages break up because the couple was in competition with each other. Somehow the guy no longer knew where he fit into her life, and the two drifted so far apart that the marriage did not make it. I believe that God DID provide husbands to take CARE of their wives...but never do I hear this taught (either inside the church, or out). She's supposed to LEAN on him and she's supposed to TRUST him. I believe this gives our men a sense of empowerment (provided he's a decent guy who has her best interests at heart to begin with).
But instead of being ENCOURAGED that it is okay to hope for a man who will take care of me that I can lean on and trust, my struggles are thus: Outside the church, the "single" life is the chance for someone to date/sleep with as many people as they want...and if they are not "putting themselves out there" or shacking up with somebody...what the heck is their problem?? Listen, as someone who has saved herself for her life partner, this is NOT something that impresses me in the least! I say all this, because for me to think that I will never be "affected" by such a lifestyle is simply not true. Anyone who watches any TV at all knows that this is not true! Man or woman, we have it thrown in our faces every hour of every day in some capacity. Everything around us tells us to loosen our convictions, (and our belts, give into the world system, and "experiment" with different things because how will we ever know if we really have a real commitment? For someone like me, movies like "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and countless others are out there to cruelly let me know what a pathetic loser I am because my virtue is cherished and sacred, and various actors and entertainers are paid a pretty penny to make sure I feel the sting.
Inside the church, I am encouraged to trust God and let HIM lead me. Every...single...hint...of...PASSION...every feeling, every question, every uncertainty...EVERYTHING is met with exactly the same response. The single life is painted like some sort of ongoing picnic, or walk in the park, because aren't I LUCKY...because I get to give my undivided attention to God. So I sit in the pews every week burning with passion while my Christian friend's are dating, getting engaged and getting into relationships...while I'm wondering why the same thing isn't happening for me. Nobody will pray for me that I find a husband because HEAVEN FORBID they should be praying for the wrong thing. (What if God doesn't want me to be married?). The sensation of the passion yet unfulfilled makes me me feel like I may just explode, while I feel guilty because God told Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you. In my prayers I become a crying mess because I can't BELIEVE this. (What's wrong with me?). Meanwhile, a couple of my Christian friend's have just moved in together...what is that all about?
I can't be flippant about marriage and say that it does not matter to me whether I get married or not. It DOES matter to me, and if I say it does not I'm lying! I've heard many people in the church tell me that they "got to this place". where it did not matter to them if they were married or not, they just wanted to do God's will. Wonderful...splendid! But I can't lie about my feelings because I'm not giving the "faith based" socially acceptable answer. Listen, if I did not get married, I would live...for sure. But I don't think I'd be living the sort of life I was truly meant to live...period. I do not know how to let go of this as though it doesn't matter to me. However, if I do NOT let go of it, I'm not trusting God and letting him have his way with me...so I've been told.
Anyway, I think sometimes God puts us in between a rock and a hard place in order that we can trust him to get us out. If I am not happy being single, I will not be happy being married...this is true. So, for this reason, I'm glad I'm not married. As usual, there is so much more I would love to write about this, but I'm running out of energy. ...
I was praying last night, and the Lord gave me this: "It is easier to go through difficult times as a single person than it is to go through difficulties when married.".
So, if we don't learn to handle tough times as a single person with grace...we sure won't be equipped to handle them when we are married.". Amen!!! Praise Jesus...I LOVE this! This sums it all up and does not leave anything out. First, it says NOTHING about being happy whether you're married or single. What this means is, that I can let myself off the hook when (as a single person) I am not happy. This does not mean God has lost his grip on me. He's still in control...it's OKAY.
As a single person, I have really struggled with the fact that I am... not happy (for a lot of reasons). This unhappiness would not throw me out of whack so much if I did not feel guilty for going through it. I have believed for a long time that this unhappiness automatically dis-qualified me for marriage...and I've HATED it!! "What is WRONG with me?"... that kind of thing. The fact is, many single people are unhappy being single and they need to be allowed to be honest about that, without a reprimand from the church that says they shouldn't feel that way..
So, the conclusion I've come to is this: why am I unhappy in my singleness? Because GOD is making me that way intentionally. Why? Because he's preparing me for marriage! (!!!). He is making my single life difficult and painful and saying: "Take on the difficulty...tackle it...do something about it...try...fail...succeed...learn. Run to me...get on your knees, scream, cry...tell me you can't stand another minute and you're outta here...and watch while I hold you in place until you stop fighting. Dry your eyes...get up, start again, and resolve that this time will be better than the last, while your enthusiasm is restored. Let the madness start again...and watch me bring you through it. This too is. OKAY. You will go through all of this when you are married, and part of your sustaining grace will be this "record" of angry, struggling, victories I have already brought you through.
In order to be equipped to get married, God grants us the practice of walking through difficulties. Marriage is hard, right? Every person who is single is well aware that marriage is not easy. We know...we are BOMBARDED with it every day...and by the way, we are TIRED of the singleness talk. Please don't tell us that this resistance makes us ineligible for marriage either. Chances are, we already feel as though we may throw up because we have no idea how to turn this sinking feeling around. (Whatever it is).
I think the bottom line is this. The single life is portrayed as easy and uncomplicated...and filled with blessings that married people give up. The single life, is also treated by the church as "holier than thou" (yes it is) because the biggest "selling point" is the undivided devotion to the Lord that married people do not have, because they are...married. Listen, this thought process makes marriage BAD, rather than good because single people end up feeling GUILTY for wanting to get married. This "feeling" of being just a little "higher up" in Heaven because you have God all to yourself?...HOW CAN YOU GIVE THAT UP?? We make single people feel like this lack of complication (which is not true, by the way) puts us on a "pedestal" ABOVE married people, somehow. God has exalted you, the church seems to say, God has "endowed" you with blessings that are BETTER than that of a married person, because married people are just too busy. Married people have too much to do. Married people have BORING lives, besides...you can do MISSIONARY WORK and TRAVEL!!! Married people don't have time for that!
Just to be clear, not all single people can travel and do missionary work. Some of us are broke and we can't afford it. Some of us are not physically built for it, some of us have various phobias that make traveling not a good idea. For that matter some of the most rewarding missionary work is done by married couples, or families with children, right? For that matter, just because a married person's life becomes compartmentalized (to a degree), this does not mean that their devotion to the Lord is divided. Along those lines, sometimes there is such a thing as too many choices and too much freedom. Some people who are single actually find that their life lacks direction, to a degree, because they need another limit besides the sky, if you will. For some, marriage can provide a temporary destination that signifies a specific calling with eternal rewards. Sometimes the "freedom" of being single for a long period of time can actually cause a person to lack the discipline of being productive, because of too many choices and not enough limits. This may sound harsh, and maybe even un-American...but it's simply to back up my point that singleness is not just a walk in the park.
Now, marriage is not a walk in the park either, as single people are always reminded. It is HARD...to be so alone when you are so together. It is hard to "be still" when all you want to do is move to make something happen. It's hard to move, when you want to stay where you are. It's hard to sacrifice your own happiness for the benefit of someone else. However this is also very amiable and honorable and pleasing to God when it's done in the right context. It is true that every person is a single person, whether they are married or unmarried. So I say, learn to deal with the conflicts that arise within yourself, and perhaps God will see fit to "increase your territory.".
The tragedy I see, is that the church is doing little to nothing as specific preparation for this possible "increase in territory" in a person's life. Instead, we are encouraging people to focus on themselves and stay busy, embrace the single life...and if IT happens...it happens.
This is a big IT, and it is pretty difficult...and so it stands to reason that the waiting and the praying beforehand can also be difficult and painful. The problem is that both the world and the church make it seem as though no one should have a difficult or painful single life...because MARRIAGE is when things get difficult, right? The overall message seems to be just do what seems right for you. This "rule" is just divided into two extremes... the world says "Get as much sex as you can, because you're not married" and the church says "Don't have sex AT ALL because you're not married.". In any case, there is, nonetheless, a HUGE gap between marriage and singleness that many people (both young and young at heart) have no idea how to close. We need to let single people know that it's okay to grieve for something that has not yet happened. It's OKAY to miss your spouse and it's OKAY to want them in your life. It's okay to cry over them. It's okay to write letters and count the days until you meet them. It's okay to write your spouse letters and keep these in a locked box (If that's what you wanna do).
But I know that I personally have never been encouraged to do any of these things. Apparently there are elements to my personality that make marriage a bigger risk (haha) :). For some, this is true. And if a person wants to stay single, by all means, do so. This long blog entry is not to attack singleness...for some this is the best thing, and there absolutely are blessings to be had with it! I know I, like many people, come from a family of divorce, and absent fathers. Many times, the prevention of such scenarios can seem absolutely necessary, because staying out of a marriage altogether involves a lot less agony than marrying the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
But specifically, I wanted to address those single adults who have experienced a singleness that has been a lot longer, and a lot more painful than they ever expected. This is for those single adults who just want to cry, because they are grieving what seems like a "loss" that never goes away. If you long to be married and you are teased about being a glutton for punishment. If you have been told that you should not need to get married because God is your everything, and you BELIEVE this, but you've spent years wondering what the heck IS missing. Let me just say this: It's possible that your single life is difficult and painful because God is equipping you for marriage later. To be equipped is more than being prepared for something. Being equipped means knowing that God has given you the tools you need to walk through what you are unprepared for. So, then, if singleness were...at the very least predictable...as we are led to believe...what sort of preparation for marriage would this be?? Realizing this through prayer has been very liberating for me, because I KNOW that God is HEARING my heart...he's not ignoring it. It's tangible...it's real. This is not just some Christian "mantra" I've been silently repeating all these years, but I've forgotten why. This is for the person who has always known that for them, singleness is not a permanent thing...but the years keep passing them by.
Married people must perfect the art of being still...sometimes even more than single people because there is not as much room to move when there's two people. In other words, marriage has restrictions which give the ability to be free. And since marriage is forever, perhaps for some, their season of singleness should not be brief. Perhaps for someone to be able to be long-suffering through marriage, they must learn to be so in singleness. If you would like to dig your heels in and determine that you WILL get married...go ahead. I give you permission to do so without fear. I find that sometimes, being "open to anything" is not always the best thing either. In my case this means ignoring what God is moving me towards...why would I want to do that? Now, use your singleness to "move" towards marriage. Go ahead, cross off the days and pray for your spouse every night. Read "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy, and pray that your spouse (whatever they are) is not sharing themselves with someone else, because they are supposed to be with you. Go ahead... Play "God Bless this Broken Road that Led me Straight to You" and know that someday you will have your own answer. Believe God for this. Don't worry about needing to do "double duty" and be extra strong because "what if" God wants you to be single anyway? No. This is insanity and torture (and oddly enough, the church encourages it). Search your own heart, and ask God what the truth is. When he tells you...go that way, and hold onto it. You need not flounder back and forth wondering whether a LONG wait means that you are ACTUALLY supposed to stay single. Keep walking...keep walking...and when you are angry with God because you can't take anymore, drop to your knees and tell him. If you need to yell at him, try to find a private place and do it. He can take it. He already knows exactly how you feel, and besides, when you are married, there will be plenty more reasons in your life that you feel like coming unglued, screaming and crying out to God for help...so you (and I) may as well get used to doing this when we're single so we can absorb some of the shock.
Let your singleness equip you to someday be married. Let it move you towards where you want to go. Take ahold of the power God wants to give you in order to do his will, and then do what Joni Ereckson Tada says: "Don't waste your suffering.". On that note, you do not have to panic if you are really suffering and really hurting as a single person...so you will also do in marriage, so go ahead and use this time for practice. The Enemy will lie to you. He will tell you that the reason you are having to wait so long is because you really are not getting married at all. Then he will make you believe that God has stopped listening to you and no longer cares about your never-ending suffering...at least, this is what he does to me. Don't let him! Just remember, the Enemy is the father of lies...and sometimes the closer you are to God's will, the more the Enemy picks on you. Again, use all of this as practice for when you ARE married. This empowers you. This makes you an honest person because you are refusing to take no for an answer under God's authority. I encourage you, do NOT be NEUTRAL about this. If you know you are supposed to be married, hold on to that, no matter WHAT! Do what you have to do every second to breath life into your dream, as God directs you...knowing that you are on a mission...you are on a mission field...marriage is your destiny (so to speak)whether your spouse is in your life yet or not. Go GET IT!!! Don't take no for an answer and don't water down your own convictions and call it contentedness because this is what's socially acceptable at church.
If your singleness has been unbelievably long, try and look at it as being unbelievably blessed. God is preparing you...he's NOT ignoring you. I encourage you to read Galatians 6:9 and remember that. When you ARE married, you will be especially equipped!
Monday, February 9, 2015
"Come Higher My Child..."
How many people have you known who are tired of being asked about when they are going to get married? How many articles have you found about people who are tired of being asked about this...OR they keep wondering why it has not happened yet?
My heart always drops, when I become ready to support and empathize with this person because I think that I can relate, and I can encourage, AND THEN...
I find out, they are IN a relationship. They are not single (but technically, they are because they are not married). They are not in a NEW relationship...they've been together some time. They just have zero intention of making a life time commitment to this person...and they are tired of being asked about it.
Without apology, I would like to say to that person:
I wish I had your life...for ONE day.
But then again, maybe I DON'T.
Plain and simple: I want marriage, and I want forever. I have no interest in giving myself away to anything less. Jesus IS my soulmate...forever! So, what do you know! It's already been accomplished! Anything else in my life is a result of what my soulmate wants for my life. Now, I've had the desire to be married since I was a child. For me, my heartache has come because waiting on God consistently, and for a LONG time, is HARD. I am SINGLE...in the true sense of the word. I've had just enough "dating" experience to know that it's not for me. Relationships are hard, and I have felt the terrible pain of committing myself to someone, believing it was real, and then watching it all fall apart...while a piece of you is left with someone...who marries someone else. No thank you. Now, all experiences make us stronger (if we let them)...but I believe in my soul that the idea of trial and error is not what my SOULMATE had in mind, when it comes to people.
I have never slept with anyone, because this is a privilege that my soulmate has set aside for marriage, and I do not qualify for it (yet) :). Simple? Sure! Easy? Nope. Now...try holding to it for almost 20 years. Still with me? No relationships and no sleeping with anyone...because my SOULMATE has called me to a higher standard of purity. HE paid a high price for my heart, and I don't feel that HE desires that parts of my heart be "left" with men who have no serious intention for me. Have I been in relationships, ever? Yes. And the loss of them affected me so profoundly, that I was not the same afterwards. As I said...no thank you.
Now, I say all this, because, as you can imagine, it is difficult for me to empathize with anyone who is.. whining because they have not dated in (say) six months, or frustrated because they're not married, BUT they've been living with and sleeping with someone, OR, they have no intentions of being married because they figure...why should they? May I suggest that we do not need to take a trial and error approach when it comes to romantic love. TV shows are great, but the fact is, so many of them are offensive to my SOULMATE because they seek to numb the soul. No modesty. No blushing (because that makes us weak, right?). If you're single, you must FIND the right one, and if you are not kissing a million frogs to find your prince (or princess)... what's. WRONG with you?
My point is, that so many sources, that claim to offer relationship help, and (if you will) maintenance...often advise us to plunge into situations that deeply scar us...sometimes for life. Why do we need to DECIDE when it's time to sleep with someone? (for example). Wouldn't it be easier to just define your terms first, and spare yourself the confusion? Example: When you MARRY your spouse, because you've waited to be ready to commit to them for life, you are now qualified to sleep with them...you've earned the privilege. But it's war...everyday, isn't it? Because we live in a culture that teaches us to steal this away from people instead of earning it. Bite into as much "forbidden fruit" as you like, until you FIND what you're looking for. The thing is, no one gets through this unscathed...and sometimes, the price is too great.
What's more, we are systematically convinced that the ONLY way to know who the right person is, is to keep going through this process of trial and error. Now if a person does not know Christ, and they are leaning on their own understanding, it can be expected that this belief would govern their life; and so the culture at large, calls and beckons...and very little (if anything) is sacred. Her (and his) body, heart, and purity are put through the wringer, sometimes, again and again. When they do find the ONE, that person often gets the broken-hearted "fragments" of the person that was once whole, and hopeful. As I write this, it occurs to me how easily we are encouraged to selfishly pursue our own interests, and then people are hurt. I offer this: Take back your power and love yourself enough to protect your purity. HE who lives in you (your soulmate) will reward you for it, and so will your spouse someday.
But this takes courage, does it not? You bet! We cannot gratify ourselves and our short term desires, and...we cannot be afraid to face who WE are, because whether we are in a relationship or not, we CAN (and should) have the joy of learning to love ourselves. Sometimes, as in my case, we learn to do it again and again, consistently for years. This can be great because we get a lot of practice! So, as Valentines Day approaches, guys, pray about "pursuit," and then, go for it...desiring to GAURD the purity that so many television shows encourage you to trample on. Girls, examine yourselves in the mirror, and COVER UP whatever would tempt a man to compromise. Do the same with your speech...this separates the LADIES from the girls. Guys, hold the door open, pull her chair out, walk her to the door, and then kiss her goodnight (knowing that there will be plenty of opportunity to keep getting to know her more deeply). To both: One day, your SOULMATE will reward you for it...and so will your spouse.
My heart always drops, when I become ready to support and empathize with this person because I think that I can relate, and I can encourage, AND THEN...
I find out, they are IN a relationship. They are not single (but technically, they are because they are not married). They are not in a NEW relationship...they've been together some time. They just have zero intention of making a life time commitment to this person...and they are tired of being asked about it.
Without apology, I would like to say to that person:
I wish I had your life...for ONE day.
But then again, maybe I DON'T.
Plain and simple: I want marriage, and I want forever. I have no interest in giving myself away to anything less. Jesus IS my soulmate...forever! So, what do you know! It's already been accomplished! Anything else in my life is a result of what my soulmate wants for my life. Now, I've had the desire to be married since I was a child. For me, my heartache has come because waiting on God consistently, and for a LONG time, is HARD. I am SINGLE...in the true sense of the word. I've had just enough "dating" experience to know that it's not for me. Relationships are hard, and I have felt the terrible pain of committing myself to someone, believing it was real, and then watching it all fall apart...while a piece of you is left with someone...who marries someone else. No thank you. Now, all experiences make us stronger (if we let them)...but I believe in my soul that the idea of trial and error is not what my SOULMATE had in mind, when it comes to people.
I have never slept with anyone, because this is a privilege that my soulmate has set aside for marriage, and I do not qualify for it (yet) :). Simple? Sure! Easy? Nope. Now...try holding to it for almost 20 years. Still with me? No relationships and no sleeping with anyone...because my SOULMATE has called me to a higher standard of purity. HE paid a high price for my heart, and I don't feel that HE desires that parts of my heart be "left" with men who have no serious intention for me. Have I been in relationships, ever? Yes. And the loss of them affected me so profoundly, that I was not the same afterwards. As I said...no thank you.
Now, I say all this, because, as you can imagine, it is difficult for me to empathize with anyone who is.. whining because they have not dated in (say) six months, or frustrated because they're not married, BUT they've been living with and sleeping with someone, OR, they have no intentions of being married because they figure...why should they? May I suggest that we do not need to take a trial and error approach when it comes to romantic love. TV shows are great, but the fact is, so many of them are offensive to my SOULMATE because they seek to numb the soul. No modesty. No blushing (because that makes us weak, right?). If you're single, you must FIND the right one, and if you are not kissing a million frogs to find your prince (or princess)... what's. WRONG with you?
My point is, that so many sources, that claim to offer relationship help, and (if you will) maintenance...often advise us to plunge into situations that deeply scar us...sometimes for life. Why do we need to DECIDE when it's time to sleep with someone? (for example). Wouldn't it be easier to just define your terms first, and spare yourself the confusion? Example: When you MARRY your spouse, because you've waited to be ready to commit to them for life, you are now qualified to sleep with them...you've earned the privilege. But it's war...everyday, isn't it? Because we live in a culture that teaches us to steal this away from people instead of earning it. Bite into as much "forbidden fruit" as you like, until you FIND what you're looking for. The thing is, no one gets through this unscathed...and sometimes, the price is too great.
What's more, we are systematically convinced that the ONLY way to know who the right person is, is to keep going through this process of trial and error. Now if a person does not know Christ, and they are leaning on their own understanding, it can be expected that this belief would govern their life; and so the culture at large, calls and beckons...and very little (if anything) is sacred. Her (and his) body, heart, and purity are put through the wringer, sometimes, again and again. When they do find the ONE, that person often gets the broken-hearted "fragments" of the person that was once whole, and hopeful. As I write this, it occurs to me how easily we are encouraged to selfishly pursue our own interests, and then people are hurt. I offer this: Take back your power and love yourself enough to protect your purity. HE who lives in you (your soulmate) will reward you for it, and so will your spouse someday.
But this takes courage, does it not? You bet! We cannot gratify ourselves and our short term desires, and...we cannot be afraid to face who WE are, because whether we are in a relationship or not, we CAN (and should) have the joy of learning to love ourselves. Sometimes, as in my case, we learn to do it again and again, consistently for years. This can be great because we get a lot of practice! So, as Valentines Day approaches, guys, pray about "pursuit," and then, go for it...desiring to GAURD the purity that so many television shows encourage you to trample on. Girls, examine yourselves in the mirror, and COVER UP whatever would tempt a man to compromise. Do the same with your speech...this separates the LADIES from the girls. Guys, hold the door open, pull her chair out, walk her to the door, and then kiss her goodnight (knowing that there will be plenty of opportunity to keep getting to know her more deeply). To both: One day, your SOULMATE will reward you for it...and so will your spouse.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
All "Waited" Out
I honestly don't think God will ever let me get married. If this is the case, then I wish I could learn to just be content on my own and be through with it. My pastor's wife used to say: " If you've got the desire to be married, then you're supposed to be married."
I used to believe this is true but I don't anymore. I've had a deep desire to be married from the time I was a small child. I've prayed, and hoped, and dreamed, and prayed and hoped and dreamed... I've cried out to God, gotten angry with him even. Repented...prayed hoped and dreamed som more. Cried some more...felt guilty for having the wrong attitude...prayed about it again and watched God reveal a terrible anger I did not even think was still in there. Felt guilty again, repented, started over...laid it down and told God his ways are best, while watching the desire well up inside me again, and wondering if God just left the building or something.
He'll never leave me nor forsake me, so this isn't possible; sometimes I would just think that feeling was going to choke me. I seem to feel myself getting older everyday...almost as if I'm mourning the loss of something I've never had. If I'm not supposed to ever be married, I wish God would just tell me because the suspense is killing me. I always thought that if I were not supposed to get married, then I would simply not have the desire to be. I would WANT to be single MORE than I wanted to be with someone. Nope. This is not what's happened at all. I want to be with someone badly, and I feel as if I'm being forced to see my friends all get married (or at least, get into a relationship)... but it has never happened for me. Nothing but a bunch of false hopes and dead ends and misleading scenarios. I think I'm supposed to be single, but the desire to be married has never left me. I've even tried to FORCE myself to be accepting of it (if it be God's will)' which I've found does not work either. I find that I must give into the "hope" that marriage will happen because this is the way God has made me. But it now just seems to too painful, and not worth it. It seems like the more I hope for it, pray about it, cry about it, the more this thing called marriage eludes me. There have been times when I've even asked God if he's put a curse on me, or if I'm being punished.
Is he angry with me for something? What's worse is, He seems to WANT me to be on this roller coaster and FEEL this pain, and see what a brat I can be, when I don't get my way. Well when you've been this confused, for this long, it's bound to make you go crazy sometimes, that's all I can say. It's almost like he's doing everything he can to show me that I am completely inelligeable for the very desire he's placed within me. Possibly. The thing is...I don't remember ever arguing with him about this. If I ever do get married, it will because God made it happen...not me! I don't know whether I don't REALLY believe this or what. Am I too self-sufficient? Have events of my life so damaged me that marriage is not possible now?
I keep wondering whether this is God's way of having me "share" in his suffering...does his breaking my heart keep "binding" me to him? I'm afraid sometimes that the "desire" will never go away, because God doesn't want to lift it. Why should he, when it drives me to my knees so well? This seems cruel and unfair to me. I mean, who am I to be talking about "fair"? I didn't go to a cross right? I'm not near as good as I think I am...it's just more than I can bear sometimes. (yes, it IS more than I can bear). These are things no one tells you about, when you first become his child. It seems God's played some awful trick on me and now he expects me to be grateful for it. What do I do? I mean, who knows, maybe someone else might need to read this or something. How does one keep saying "Gods will be done" when it keeps hurting them? I keep using Hannah's story as an example of how she suffered greatly, but God used her suffering to lead her to her victory. I'm tired now. I'm now well acquainted with the suffering and disappointment, but have yet to see the victory. I know God has dealt bountifully with me and been so much better to me then I will ever deserve...I just had no clue it would hurt like this.
I used to believe this is true but I don't anymore. I've had a deep desire to be married from the time I was a small child. I've prayed, and hoped, and dreamed, and prayed and hoped and dreamed... I've cried out to God, gotten angry with him even. Repented...prayed hoped and dreamed som more. Cried some more...felt guilty for having the wrong attitude...prayed about it again and watched God reveal a terrible anger I did not even think was still in there. Felt guilty again, repented, started over...laid it down and told God his ways are best, while watching the desire well up inside me again, and wondering if God just left the building or something.
He'll never leave me nor forsake me, so this isn't possible; sometimes I would just think that feeling was going to choke me. I seem to feel myself getting older everyday...almost as if I'm mourning the loss of something I've never had. If I'm not supposed to ever be married, I wish God would just tell me because the suspense is killing me. I always thought that if I were not supposed to get married, then I would simply not have the desire to be. I would WANT to be single MORE than I wanted to be with someone. Nope. This is not what's happened at all. I want to be with someone badly, and I feel as if I'm being forced to see my friends all get married (or at least, get into a relationship)... but it has never happened for me. Nothing but a bunch of false hopes and dead ends and misleading scenarios. I think I'm supposed to be single, but the desire to be married has never left me. I've even tried to FORCE myself to be accepting of it (if it be God's will)' which I've found does not work either. I find that I must give into the "hope" that marriage will happen because this is the way God has made me. But it now just seems to too painful, and not worth it. It seems like the more I hope for it, pray about it, cry about it, the more this thing called marriage eludes me. There have been times when I've even asked God if he's put a curse on me, or if I'm being punished.
Is he angry with me for something? What's worse is, He seems to WANT me to be on this roller coaster and FEEL this pain, and see what a brat I can be, when I don't get my way. Well when you've been this confused, for this long, it's bound to make you go crazy sometimes, that's all I can say. It's almost like he's doing everything he can to show me that I am completely inelligeable for the very desire he's placed within me. Possibly. The thing is...I don't remember ever arguing with him about this. If I ever do get married, it will because God made it happen...not me! I don't know whether I don't REALLY believe this or what. Am I too self-sufficient? Have events of my life so damaged me that marriage is not possible now?
I keep wondering whether this is God's way of having me "share" in his suffering...does his breaking my heart keep "binding" me to him? I'm afraid sometimes that the "desire" will never go away, because God doesn't want to lift it. Why should he, when it drives me to my knees so well? This seems cruel and unfair to me. I mean, who am I to be talking about "fair"? I didn't go to a cross right? I'm not near as good as I think I am...it's just more than I can bear sometimes. (yes, it IS more than I can bear). These are things no one tells you about, when you first become his child. It seems God's played some awful trick on me and now he expects me to be grateful for it. What do I do? I mean, who knows, maybe someone else might need to read this or something. How does one keep saying "Gods will be done" when it keeps hurting them? I keep using Hannah's story as an example of how she suffered greatly, but God used her suffering to lead her to her victory. I'm tired now. I'm now well acquainted with the suffering and disappointment, but have yet to see the victory. I know God has dealt bountifully with me and been so much better to me then I will ever deserve...I just had no clue it would hurt like this.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
All Purpose
HEY EVERYBODY! CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE, AND CHANCES ARE, EVERYONE IS LOOKING FOR THAT SPECIAL GIFT FOR EVERYONE ON THEIR LIST. BUT IF YOU'RE LIKE ME, YOU'RE ON A BUDGET. :) MY SEARCH FOR VERSATILE, INEXPENSIVE, ALL PURPOSE GIFTS ONLINE, SIMPLY WAS NOT AS FULFILLING AS I WOULD'VE LIKED BECAUSE MOST OF MY FINDINGS WERE NOT IN MY PRICE RANGE, AND MOST OF THE GIFTS (THOUGH AMAZING) WERE NOT THINGS THAT WOULD WORK FOR ANYONE ON MY LIST. So, I've COME UP WITH MY OWN LIST OF VERSATILE, INEXPENSIVE GIFTS THAT WILL WORK FOR EVERYONE, AND TIPS TO MAKE THE SHOPPING MORE ENJOYABLE :). FEEL FREE TO SHARE!
* Most of these gifts (if not all) will work for pretty much anyone, of course, just keep in mind whether purchasing for an adult or child, guy or girl. List does not apply children under five.
TIP # 1:
IF Y0U'RE NOT SURE, GO WITH A GIFT CARD.
Let's face it, sometimes we just have no idea what to get someone. In this case, let them get what they want. This way, you control the amount, and your loved one get's something that they absolutely know they like! PS, don't be afraid to ask the person what gift card they might want; this way there is no uncertainty about what sort of gift card to look for. Kids love gift cards because they get to do the choosing.
TIP # 2:
DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
After you write your initial list of people to shop for, divide it up. (I rewrite it). How many women are you shopping for? How many men? How many children?
This way, you can divide your gifts up into little groups. This can make the shopping simpler, and you can possibly get done more quickly.
TIP # 3:
THE SAME...BUT DIFFERENT.
Another way to simplify choosing gifts, is to buy several of the same item, just in different varieties. For example, body wash. This is something that everyone can use, and there are different varieties, whether for men, women or children. Depending on where you purchase, you can find multi-packs with more tan one bottle. Use the same approach to presents that you do to the wrapping paper: Get several for one price.
TIP # 4:
LET THE PACKAGING BE PART OF THE PRESENT.
Use your better judgement with this one; sometimes, it is cheaper to just wrap. But this is also an area where a person can get very creative. For example, if you have someone who loves gardening, see if you can fit their present into a flower pot decorated with bow, rather than a box and wrapping, that will just be discarded anyway. This way, they get to use the flower pot too.
Tip # 5:
TRY TO GET ALL DONE AT ONCE.
This might seem to defeat the purpose of de-stressing, but this saves the shopper from making so many trips. Personally, I love places like Costco, Wal-Mart and Target because they have...well... EVERYTHING. I know that some people would rather make more trips to smaller stores in order to avoid large crowds, which I completely understand; but around Christmas time, even smaller shops have large crowds; and getting as much done as possible in one trip saves gas as well.
Tip # 6:
PICK A CARD...ANY CARD.
Whether it's an eCard, or sent snail mail with a stamp, Christmas cards are still a wonderful way to bless those you love that you can't be with on Christmas, or that it is simply not practical to buy for. These can be purchased at a dollar store, for... you guessed it! You can either get a box of Christmas cards or 2 for a dollar. (Hey, not bad) :). And then of course there are always E-cards, which can be cleverly designed and are even simpler to send and receive.
Tip # 7:
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE DOLLAR STORE!
Now, granted, depending on the store, some of the "bargains" you find...are actually not worth the dollar you pay for them. I've just found this to be true. But, in the end, I am a HUGE fan of dollar stores because I can't think of a better place to get all of your wrapping, your Christmas cards...and quite possibly, all your gifts too. Use your smart shopper sense, and you just may find everything you need!...and what a deal!
PRACTICAL, INEXPENSIVE GIFTS THAT EVERYONE LOVES:
1. Body wash
2. Wash cloths and hand towels
3. Popcorn
4. Notebooks or pads of paper
5. Safety pins or tacks
6. Blank CD's
7. Throws (blankets)
8. Hard candy or gum
9. Pens, markers or highlighters
10. Post-it's
11. Tea bags, hot chocolate, or packets of cider
12. Coffee (dry)
13. Power strips (electrical)
14. Scented pine cones
15. Seeds and gardening tools
16. Themed duck (duct) tape. (camo... anyone?)
17. Batteries
18. Toothbrushes
19. Socks or slipper-socks
20. Shoe laces
21. A Dictionary or thesaurus
22. Calendars
23. Journals
24. Picture Frames
25. Scarves, gloves and hats
26. Handkerchiefs
27. Brushes and combs
28. Manicure sets
29. Hangers (Pkg.)
30. Rubix Cubes (Who doesn't love these?)
31. Headphones
32. Chargers (for phones or IPads or iPods)
33. Puzzles
34. Photo Albums
35. Cookbooks
36. Sparkling Cider
37. Audiobooks
38. Lens cleaner (glasses)
39. Sunglasses
40. Laundry baskets
41. Travel cases or Makeup bags
42. Key chains
43. Water bottles
44. Flameless candles
45. A thermos, coffee cup or travel mug
46. A plate, cup and bowl dish set
47. Lotion, shave gel, or aftershave
48. Umbrellas
49. Money belts (for traveling) (these fit under your clothes).
50. Cookie kit or recipe/ingredients kit
FEEL FREE TO SHARE! Merry Christmas everyone!
* Most of these gifts (if not all) will work for pretty much anyone, of course, just keep in mind whether purchasing for an adult or child, guy or girl. List does not apply children under five.
TIP # 1:
IF Y0U'RE NOT SURE, GO WITH A GIFT CARD.
Let's face it, sometimes we just have no idea what to get someone. In this case, let them get what they want. This way, you control the amount, and your loved one get's something that they absolutely know they like! PS, don't be afraid to ask the person what gift card they might want; this way there is no uncertainty about what sort of gift card to look for. Kids love gift cards because they get to do the choosing.
TIP # 2:
DIVIDE AND CONQUER.
After you write your initial list of people to shop for, divide it up. (I rewrite it). How many women are you shopping for? How many men? How many children?
This way, you can divide your gifts up into little groups. This can make the shopping simpler, and you can possibly get done more quickly.
TIP # 3:
THE SAME...BUT DIFFERENT.
Another way to simplify choosing gifts, is to buy several of the same item, just in different varieties. For example, body wash. This is something that everyone can use, and there are different varieties, whether for men, women or children. Depending on where you purchase, you can find multi-packs with more tan one bottle. Use the same approach to presents that you do to the wrapping paper: Get several for one price.
TIP # 4:
LET THE PACKAGING BE PART OF THE PRESENT.
Use your better judgement with this one; sometimes, it is cheaper to just wrap. But this is also an area where a person can get very creative. For example, if you have someone who loves gardening, see if you can fit their present into a flower pot decorated with bow, rather than a box and wrapping, that will just be discarded anyway. This way, they get to use the flower pot too.
Tip # 5:
TRY TO GET ALL DONE AT ONCE.
This might seem to defeat the purpose of de-stressing, but this saves the shopper from making so many trips. Personally, I love places like Costco, Wal-Mart and Target because they have...well... EVERYTHING. I know that some people would rather make more trips to smaller stores in order to avoid large crowds, which I completely understand; but around Christmas time, even smaller shops have large crowds; and getting as much done as possible in one trip saves gas as well.
Tip # 6:
PICK A CARD...ANY CARD.
Whether it's an eCard, or sent snail mail with a stamp, Christmas cards are still a wonderful way to bless those you love that you can't be with on Christmas, or that it is simply not practical to buy for. These can be purchased at a dollar store, for... you guessed it! You can either get a box of Christmas cards or 2 for a dollar. (Hey, not bad) :). And then of course there are always E-cards, which can be cleverly designed and are even simpler to send and receive.
Tip # 7:
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE DOLLAR STORE!
Now, granted, depending on the store, some of the "bargains" you find...are actually not worth the dollar you pay for them. I've just found this to be true. But, in the end, I am a HUGE fan of dollar stores because I can't think of a better place to get all of your wrapping, your Christmas cards...and quite possibly, all your gifts too. Use your smart shopper sense, and you just may find everything you need!...and what a deal!
PRACTICAL, INEXPENSIVE GIFTS THAT EVERYONE LOVES:
1. Body wash
2. Wash cloths and hand towels
3. Popcorn
4. Notebooks or pads of paper
5. Safety pins or tacks
6. Blank CD's
7. Throws (blankets)
8. Hard candy or gum
9. Pens, markers or highlighters
10. Post-it's
11. Tea bags, hot chocolate, or packets of cider
12. Coffee (dry)
13. Power strips (electrical)
14. Scented pine cones
15. Seeds and gardening tools
16. Themed duck (duct) tape. (camo... anyone?)
17. Batteries
18. Toothbrushes
19. Socks or slipper-socks
20. Shoe laces
21. A Dictionary or thesaurus
22. Calendars
23. Journals
24. Picture Frames
25. Scarves, gloves and hats
26. Handkerchiefs
27. Brushes and combs
28. Manicure sets
29. Hangers (Pkg.)
30. Rubix Cubes (Who doesn't love these?)
31. Headphones
32. Chargers (for phones or IPads or iPods)
33. Puzzles
34. Photo Albums
35. Cookbooks
36. Sparkling Cider
37. Audiobooks
38. Lens cleaner (glasses)
39. Sunglasses
40. Laundry baskets
41. Travel cases or Makeup bags
42. Key chains
43. Water bottles
44. Flameless candles
45. A thermos, coffee cup or travel mug
46. A plate, cup and bowl dish set
47. Lotion, shave gel, or aftershave
48. Umbrellas
49. Money belts (for traveling) (these fit under your clothes).
50. Cookie kit or recipe/ingredients kit
FEEL FREE TO SHARE! Merry Christmas everyone!
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